A Totally Impractical Expat Interview #12: Mohana Rajakumar of A Day in Doha

Welcome to the twelfth edition of my expat interview series. I’m delighted to see how well it has been chugging along, picking up speed and steam and passengers along the way.

This instalment brings us to the tiny finger-tip nation of Qatar. I passed through there a few times when I commuted between Dubai and Istanbul a four or five years ago. I only knew the airport, alas.  Today’s interviewee is a woman who has been living there with her family for a few years, settling in for at least a little while longer, and taking the time to explore what’s around her, thoughtfully.

One of the very cool things about this interview series is that it has introduced me to a lot of really interesting, intelligent, adventurous people I might never have otherwise met- and, really, people I wish I had met when I was living in or visiting wherever they are now.  This is especially true of today’s interviewee- I think if she had been around when I was living in the Gulf, I might not have felt so isolated there.

I had a hard time relating to most of the expats around me in the UAE because I was primarily a traveller at heart and most of the people I met there were there for the work (often with gritted teeth, begrudgingly) and the money and the cushy lifestyle it provided.  There was a lot of quiet racism and classism among the Western expats I encountered at that time, lots of derogatory throwaway comments about Arab culture, Islam, Indian taxi drivers/construction workers, Filipina maids.  It made my head ache.

It left me with a bad taste in my mouth and a need to close my ears and brain to all the nattering, lest some of it seep in and cloud my own judgement.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if my negative feelings are my own or if they’ve been absorbed from others.  It’s a process of separation that I have to be very careful to practise here in Shanghai because, well, there is so much complaining going on around me.

Without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to Mohana, this week’s expat. She can be found through her blog, A Day in Doha.

*cue applause*

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mohana

Leaving

This is Qatar

I went abroad because I was bored by living in the United States; while it was very comfortable and entertaining, I never felt that I was learning anything new or that as a South Asian American I fit in with the mostly white communities in where I lived.

I was always so different because of my immigrant parents, tastes in food, music, etc. It was lonely at times.

I wanted adventure and to see the world. I have a PhD in postcolonial literature with an emphasis on Muslim women but had never lived in an Islamic society.

I have been traveling since I was 5,  leaving from India with my family. I moved from India at 5, living in Canada and the US; summers in Costa Rica, and China.

Photo by Mohana Rajakumar

It was easy in Qatar because so much of the country is developed and they have so many of the same brands as they have in the US. The hardest part was dealing with the other expats who often were very negative about what we were experiencing.

Race is understood very differently in Qatar than in the US and so having people treat me as though I were lower class, i.e. a maid or nanny, was very different. The stares from all the migrant workers who’ve left their women at home and at a Indian women dressed in western clothes and who speaks without an accent is still hard.

In retrospect, maybe it should have been a surprise, but I really enjoyed it. Rather the surprise was how many people resented those of us who adjusted really easily and well; they projected their difficulties onto us.

Staying

We have been here  5 years; we will stay here until it’s no longer fun for us as a family. We decided jointly to stay after the first year when we got married.  Everyday is an adventure, good and bad. You never know what you’ll get.

Photo by Saleh al Khulaifi

I’ve been studying Arabic for three years and hope to start again this summer. I can do a basic conversation, answer the phone, order food but most people speak English here.

Loneliness and homesickness do strike every now and then but the biggest health risk is weight gain! Did living abroad exacerbate or even cause these problems? Maybe,  but you can be lonely at home as well since people are often too busy to get together.  It took a really long time (3 years) but now it’s very well established and I’m glad I put the effort in that it needed.

The best way to deal with loneliness and culture shock is to reach out; chances are high that others are feeling the same thing. Doing activities with others was the best way to get out of bed and meet people; book clubs, writing groups, etc.

My husband is Asian American and a child of immigrants as well but spends a lot of time in the office; so it was really good to develop my own interests which I could do while he was putting in the long hours.

As an expat in Qatar, the longer you stay, the more at home you feel because it is such a revolving door.

Maintaining stability

Can settling down/packing-up-and-heading-off  occur many times in a person’s life or is it a linear process that comes with age? Many, many times, even in the same city: we’ve moved houses four times since 2005.  Moving is a double sword; you get a fresh start and new chances, but you also have to use up all the energy. I’ve come to see benefits of both.

Photo by Mohana Rajakumar

I’ve gained lifelong friends, experiences most people will never even dream of (like meeting the Queen of England) and lost inhibitions that there are things I can’t do, or a certain way that life must be lived. There are missed special occasions and sometimes lack of shared experiences but that makes the ones you do have only more rich.

Photo by Aju Chris George

I feel blessed beyond belief.  Home is where your heart is and where you feel welcome. So there are days when I feel that here in Qatar and days when I’m reminded I’m from somewhere else. It’s the delicate act of balancing these feelings that makes a life.

I’ve often been described as restless, either at work or in life, but I do want to see beyond the horizon and push myself to the next thing. There are certain people who will live their whole lives in one house and work at one company; I don’t think I’m that type of person. Or maybe I just haven’t found the right place for either yet.

The Future

What’s next? Hopefully landing a literary agent and publishing a book about my experiences in Qatar.



4 thoughts on “A Totally Impractical Expat Interview #12: Mohana Rajakumar of A Day in Doha”

  • Love your blog! And this interview. I explore being an unusual Arab in my own blog – having lived and been raised in the UAE and then moving to Vancouver at the age of 11. I agree with Mohana’s statements about surprising racism/classicism that can be found in the UAE, my family was just discussing this the other night.

    As an Arab living abroad, and who always identified with the Western culture, I’m a neither- here-nor-there kind of Arab. It’s an interesting experience, and a difficult one to explain. I hope to travel back to the Middle East (first stop Qatar) and see how well I can blend in as both Arab and Expat. Duality seems every immigrant’s simultaneous curse and blessing in life.

    Looking forward to reading more posts!
    Lima
    Lima recently posted..Just Dance

  • Thanks for commenting! Interestingly, I grew up near Vancouver (Vancouver Island, to be precise) so we’ve got something in common, albeit reversed 🙂 When I was in Dubai in 2006-2007, contemplating whether I should leave my then-longterm home in istanbul (I’d been there 5 years at that point) to marry my then boyfriend, I realized I just couldn’t do it. The expat life in the UAE did my head in.

    My ex is Canadian (Vancouver too!), but of East African Indian background (Gujarati Muslim born in Burundi) and we used to go camping most weekends in Oman and around the UAE with his colleagues and friends of those colleagues. Around the campfire, I frequently heard the most astonishing casual racism and Islamophobia… even to his face! Maybe because he was a professor, with a Canadian accent, Canadian clothes, Canadian manner, they ‘forgot’ that they were saying stupid, appalling things to his face. He called them on it regularly, politely, and it was laughed off as a joke or explained away as being ‘from their experience’. It was frustrating.

    I was quite surprised by the frankness of their prejudices. I’m always surprised, actually, by the crap that comes from so many people’s mouths. It’s a pity is is this way.

    I look forward to reading your blog!

  • Love this post- as an Indian American myself with a strong interest in Islam and it sounds like an excellent learning experience to live in a place like Qatar. The racism sounds pretty horrible– and I have to say that I would not be surprised because I’ve heard so many racist comments throughout my life, and especially Islamophobic comments even from people I know well.
    Akhila recently posted..Around the internet, and 9/11 links

    • Thanks for commenting, Akhila, and thanks for delving back into my archives! I’ve found it fascinating living in so many places around the world and catching glimpses of all the different permutations of racism that manifest– everywhere I’ve been, people don’t like/distrust/look down on others for so many different and often contradictory reasons. Like with my ex (the one from Vancouver that I mentioned in the post), when we met his aunt and uncle in Mumbai about 4 or 5 years ago. They were Gujarati Indian Muslims who had been in East Africa for generations and came from a very long line of prosperous merchants. I was surprised by the racist things that came out of their mouths- about Africans, about Hindus, about poor people… But while we were in India, my ex had to change his name (“Hi, I’m, um, Sam!”) because it was a very Muslim name and he didn’t want to have to deal with the crap that came with that in Hindu parts of the country… So complex!

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